The Heartbreak that don't stop Hurting
by Barson4Ever
Summary: What happens when the unthinkable happens? The person that you know best besides your fiance steps up and your life is completely different than you thought it would be.
1. Chapter 1

**April 2016**

Raf still couldn't believe it, Liv had called him, Mike was gone. He had come down to the hospital, you wouldn't leave him, no one could get you to. After forty-five minutes, Raf had managed to get you home and some food in you. Four days later was the funeral, you, your parents, William Dodds, and Mike's mom Ingrid were the last people left at Fornili's. You and Raf were best friends, had been since Harvard. You and Mike had met in the Anti-Crime Unit and had been together for three years, married for two. He watched William and Mike's mother leave, your parents looked at him, both coming over to him. Raf sat up, smiling slightly.

"Y/n said you and her are good friends." your dad, Tom said.

"I hope so, she and I have known each other since Harvard." Raf shook his hand.

"Will you look after her, y/n has two younger sisters that we need to look after. We will be back in time for the baby to be born." Your mom, Debbie said.

Raf looked over to where you were sitting.

"Of course, I will." Raf whispered.

After your parents left, Raf walked over to you. You were looking down, he sat beside you.

"Hey." Raf said.

"Hey." You whispered, as you wiped your eyes then looked at him.

Raf smiled softly.

"I don't know what to say to be honest. You want to go home? I could order a cab."

"I want to walk, the doctor said I need to walk more."

"Okay, we could walk halfway, then order a cab for the rest, it's too far." Raf whispered, helping you up

You nodded, not wanting to pick a fight. After getting home, you sat on the couch, covering up with a blanket Mike had made with pictures of the two of you, along with sonograms. Raf looked through your fridge and discovered that you didn't have much, Raf called his mother.

"Mami, can you do me a favor, por favor?"

"Claro, anything Rafi."

"I'm helping my friend out, and she doesn't have a lot in the fridge."

"Who is it?"

"Y/n y/l/n, from college."

"She's married to the sergeant in the squad you help right?"

"Yes."

"What happened?"

"Mike passed away a few days ago, today was his funeral. I'm helping her out, she's pregnant, due in about a month and a half. She's still in the same place as she had right after college."

"I'll be over as soon as possible, what do you need?"

"Food for the next couple of days, and from my place about a week's worth of clothes." Raf said.

"Be there in about an hour, te amo mijo."

"Gracias mami, te amo."

After hanging up, Raf walked out to the living room. You were just staring at the TV with it off. Raf sat beside you. You looked at him, eye to eye and that was your undoing. Raf opened his arms and you practically climbed in his lap, he moved his legs to help you be more comfortable. Your head rested against his neck.

"Not squashing you am I?" You hiccuped.

"Never." Raf whispered.

After a while, there was a knock on the door.

"Stay there, I got it." Raf whispered.

You sat up, Raf got up, turning he picked up the blanket, that had fallen off, and wrapped it tightly around you. He left you, going to the door, Lucia came into the living room,

"Hey y/n. I've brought you some stuff."

"Hey Lucia thank you, you didn't need to do this."

"No need to thank me, I'm sorry to hear about Mike."

Lucia sat beside you, talking to you while Raf put away everything and came and sat beside you. The three of you got to talking about all different stuff, until it hit you when you caught a picture of a sonogram. You had an appointment tomorrow you started tearing up. You then started to panic.

"Y/n hey, look at me." Raf whispered.

You looked at him your breathing getting worse.

"Breath with me in 1,2,3 out 1,2,3."

You did as he said, calming down.

"What's wrong, beside everything I know of?" Raf asked.

"I just remembered I have a doctor's appointment next week the 3rd."

Raf hugged you, Raf looked at his mother like 'help me' Lucia mouthed 'ask her if she wants you to go.'

"Do you want me to go with you?" Raf looked at you.

"Really?"

"Of course, you can't go on your own. You and Mike were thinking about finding out the baby's gender this time, weren't you? Well you're gonna need someone with you, even if it's just to get you there."

"Thanks Rafi." You hugged him.

"Anything for you."


	2. Chapter 2

You and Raf were in a room, waiting on the doctor. You smiled at Raf, who looked so out of place. Raf caught you looking at him and smiled softly, knowing what you were thinking.

"I know, I'm way out of my element." Raf came over to your side.

"Way out of your element." You chuckled.

"So how exactly can they tell what you're having?"

"They do what they call an ultrasound. They put this jelly on my stomach and use a wand so they can see the baby. If the baby is cooperative, we can see if it's going to be a boy or girl." You smiled.

"What did you and Mike want?"

"Mike wanted a girl, but I secretly wanted a boy."

About that time your doctor came in with a nurse.

"I heard what happened to Mike y/n, I'm sorry for your loss." The doctor said, she shook your hand.

"Thank you, this is my friend Rafael, he will be joining in on the appointments from now on."

"Nice to know y/n has a good support system." Doctor Jacobson, shook his hand.

"I'll do my best to help y/n as much as I can." Raf said.

The doctor nodded and turned back to you.

"Okay your only a little over a month away from your due date, how are you feeling, any contractions or pain."

"Yes to both, but that's normal right."

"Yes pelvic pain, lower back pain, and Braxton Hicks contractions are normal at this stage." Dr. Jacobson said, lifting up your shirt.

She squeezed some gel onto your stomach, Raf took your hand, giving it a small squeeze. Soon the room was filled with a heartbeat, Raf looked from the monitor to your face, rubbing your arm and shoulder and then took your hand back into his when he saw you crying.

"Everything looks great, would you still not like to know the sex?"

"I wanna know, I need to get everything organized for his or her room." You whispered.

"Okay, give me a second." Dr. Jacobson said, as she moved the ward around.

"It's a boy!"

You saw your and Mike's baby boy moving around, tears coming down your face. The doctor took some pictures and let Raf record the sonogram on his phone. After leaving, on the way back home you were quiet, looking out the window. You knew Raf was watching you, he always did when he was worried about you, you could also hear him thinking, college had been the same way. You looked over to be met with green eyes.

"I need to do some thinking and planning." You whispered.

"Like what?" Raf asked, turning toward you fully.

"I need a fresh start, I can't stay in that apartment, there are too many memories there." You looked down at your wedding band.

"Fresh start as in a new place, new city or a new place, same city?" Raf asked, a sense of panic and fear on his face and in his voice.

"Same city always. I don't want to leave the city I met and fell in love with my baby's daddy." you rubbed your stomach.

"I could help. There are some apartments for rent in my building, if you're okay with that, at not too bad a price."

"I need to be close to you right now, you and my baby are the only things keeping me sane right now."

When the cab pulled up to your apartment building. Raf jumped out, coming around and helped you out. Once the two of you got inside the apartment and you were on the couch, Raf brought you something to snack on.

"How many bedrooms and bathrooms are they?"

"Mostly two beds two baths."

"How much?"

"You can afford it."

"You sure?"

"I'm sure they are less than mine because they are trying to get the whole building out."

"Good to know." You said.

"You seeing anything you like?" Raf asked, as he sat down beside you.

"Yes I just…." you trailed off.

"What is it?"

"I don't want to stay here because it will be a reminder of the life Mike and I were supposed to build and I don't want a new apartment because I will be alone." You looked around.

"I have two spare rooms you could use." Raf offered.

"No Raf…"

"Listen, those two rooms don't get used, plus you will have me around if you need help or if something happens…... Just think about it, no rush, no pressure."

You nodded, tearing up again.

Raf smiled and started rubbing your back whilst leaning over to get the box tissues on the coffee table. You thanked him and wiped at your eyes, trying to stop the tears.

"Do you mind if I use you as a human pillow again?" you hiccuped.

Raf opened his arms.

"Use away."

You got comfortably on top of him, your back against his chest, your face tucked into his neck. Raf felt you move his hands around your stomach, when he didn't. As you did he could feel the baby moving around. You could tell he felt awkward, he did the same thing the first time you used him as a pillow in college. But as soon as the thought left your mind, he relaxed, his head turning to breath in your hair.

"Still using the same kind of shampoo and conditioner after all these years?" Raf whispered.

"You always said you loved it." you whispered, breathing the same cologne he had use in college.

You both fell asleep like that.


	3. Chapter 3

After a while Raf's phone started ringing. Raf woke blindly reaching for it, answering it as he slipped out from under you.

"Barba."

"How's y/n?" Liv asked.

"Okay considering. She's staying at her place for now, but can't really bear it."

"To many memories?"

"Yeah, I'm at her place right now."

"Rafa…"

"I know, I offered other apartments in my building or my two spare rooms, her choice. I'm staying at her place on the couch for now, because she doesn't want to be alone."

"Just be careful, Rafa. She is in an emotional place at the moment. You are too, because you're her friend. All I'm saying is don't let your emotions get you both into trouble."

"Liv, we're friends, that's all. I know I let slip to you that I might have had a crush on her back at Harvard, but don't worry. She doesn't see me like that and I've managed to keep it from her all these years. We'll be fine."

"Okay, I just don't want to see either of you get hurt."

"I know and we won't."

"How was her doctor's appointment?"

"Good, according to the doctor everything is great, she found out she's having a boy."

"We were planning on giving them a baby shower, tomorrow. Mike knew about it, y/n didn't."

"Can we still do it. It would be good for her to get her mind off everything and see if she still wants to be in the apartment, plus we could start moving if she can't stand to be here."

"Sounds good, about 2?" Liv asked.

"Perfect."

"You're a good friend to her."

"I hope I'm a good friend to you and the squad too." Raf said.

"You know you are. Take care of her Rafa."

"You know I will."

"Bye."

"Bye." Raf hung up the phone.

You woke up, looking around at everything that needed to be done, the crib wasn't put together, or the musical mobile, you still had to get a stroller you knew that was only the tip of the iceberg. The more you thought about it the more you thought you wouldn't be able to handle it after the baby was born and coming home and not have Mike around in your and his home. You also couldn't stand a new apartment and trying to care for a newborn, you knew that you were going to take Raf up on his offer. He heard something coming from the living room, then turned to see you in the doorway to the kitchen.

"Hey, you okay? You need something?"

"Food."

Raf chuckled.

"I know you can cook, can you cook that pasta you made in school?"

"Coming right up."

"Thank you, Rafi." You walked back into the living room, turning on the TV.

Raf smiled and started cooking. After a while, Raf walked into the living room with two plates of pasta, handing you one and sitting the other on the table, going back and getting drinks. Raf sat down, and grabbed his plate and looked at you when he noticed you were looking at him.

"Do I have food on my face?"

"I want to stay with you permanently, if you will have us both."

"Of course, I would love to have you both. We can get your stuff anytime you want."

"I was going to get the squad to help, along with you if you guys don't mind." You whispered.

"Of course we would help you, the squad and I will do anything you need. You can boss us around." Raf smiled, knowing you liked to do that.

"Sounds like a plan to me, when?"

"Tomorrow? They wanted to see you anyway."

"Sounds good to me."

"I'll text Liv." Raf said.

Y/n decided to stay at my place, same as before on the phone, plus packing after. Same time.-Raf

Okay we will have everything ready at 2.-Liv

You and Raf watched TV, your head on his shoulder with his arm around you until you said,

"I'm going to call it a night."

You got up, Raf watched you until you looked at him. Raf smiled and stood following you to your room. You walked into your room and caught sight of yours and Mike's picture, you smiled sadly, tears sliding down your face. You laid down, Raf pulled your covers up around you.

"We will get all the pictures and put them at my place." Raf whispered.

You nodded, grabbing one and holding it close to you.

"Uh.. I'll be in the living room if you need me." Raf whispered.

You nodded.

"Thank you, Rafi."

Raf smiled, sadly. He kissed your forehead, rubbing his hand up and down your arm. He left, closing the door and leaned against it. After taking a minute, he went to the living room, falling asleep on the couch. You woke the next morning around 10, when Raf knocked.

"Can I come in?"

"Yeah." You sniffed.

Raf came in, sitting a tray of food, down on the opposite side of you.

"Hey." He whispered.

"Hey." You whispered, smiling at the food.

Raf sat it in front of you, while you picked at it, not really hungry. When you got done eating, you noticed Raf watching you.

"What?"

"I was wondering if you wanted to go out for a walk to the park? Get some fresh air?"

You sat up more, thinking about it.

"Sounds good." You whispered.

"Okay, get dressed take your time, I'll be ready waiting on the couch."

"Okay."

After getting dressed you met Raf in the living room. Raf smiled, taking your hand after you grabbed your keys and phone. The two of you, walked nowhere in particular until you realized that you hadn't been involved with Mike's funeral and didn't remember much at all about the whole thing. Those terrible days were filled with overwhelming pain.

"I want to go see his grave." you whispered.

"You sure?" Raf whispered.

"Yes, I need to go to his grave and actually see it...acknowledging all this is real...say goodbye properly."

"Okay, whatever you want."

You both quickly made it to the cemetery, and up to Mike's grave. Raf had thought to bring a blanket just in case you got tired and there were not any benches around. After laying it down, and helping you sit on it Raf backed off giving you a few moments. Raf watched you as you prayed and talked to Mike. He rushed over when he saw you starting to get up and helped you. You leaned into him, Raf rubbed your lower back, where it had been hurting the past few days, then knelt down.

"I will do my best to always look over them both, I promise you that." Raf looked up at you, then back at Mike's grave.

"I also promise to love them both." Raf whispered.

You had tears on your face once he started praying, something he rarely did. You squeezed his shoulder. Once he was finished he stood, took your hand, and ordered an uber to pick the two of you up, since it had started raining once again. In the cab, Raf asked,

"You cold?"

"A little."

Raf took the blanket and covered you up. When the uber pulled up to your place, Raf helped you out and up to your apartment, once in the elevator, he texted Liv.

**In your apartment**

Liv got the text,

"They are in the elevator, everyone hide."

**Back in the elevator**

"Thank you for today."

"No problem." Raf whispered.

The two of you, walked to the front door and opened it slowly. You walked in, Raf behind you as he closed it everyone yelled,

"Surprise!"

You jumped slightly, Raf put his hand gently on your back. You saw Liv, Fin, Sonny, Amanda, Mike's parents, your parents, Noah, and Jesse.

"What is all of this?" You asked, smiling tearfully, and looked at Raf.


	4. Chapter 4

"Well apparently Mike, Liv, Sonny, and Amanda had plans to give you a surprise baby shower but somehow I didn't find out until yesterday." Raf looked at Liv, an eyebrow lifted.

"We knew if we told you sooner, you would tell y/n Rafi." Lucia said, as she came around the corner with a cake saying, 'It's a Boy!'

"Mami you knew too?"

"Si, Mike told me."

You shook your head, and hugged Mike's parents, then Lucia, and your parents. You sat on the couch, Raf got you both some punch, everyone was moving around. You teared up at the thought of Mike planning this and him not there while it happened. Raf sat down beside you, noticing tears on your cheeks.

"You okay?" Raf whispered, wiping your cheek.

"Yes and no." You whispered.

Mike's mom, Ingrid and your mom Debbie came over, both hugging you.

"I'm okay, can we open presents?" you asked, collecting yourself.

"Whatever you want, sweetheart." Debbie whispered.

"Raf, will you help us?" Ingrid asked.

Raf looked at you, you nodded and smiled, your way to tell him to go on.

"Yes, where are they?"

Raf, your mother, and Ingrid went to retrieve the presents. You saw Sonny approaching you.

"Hey y/n." Sonny sat beside you.

"Hey Sonny."

Sonny for the first time since you met a little over a year ago when you first started dating Mike was quiet, and didn't have a thing to say.

"I wish I knew what to say." he whispered.

"What you said at the bar, it was perfect." You wiped at your eyes as they filled up.

"Thanks." Sonny hugged you.

Raf, your mother, and Ingrid came back, all three with presents in their arms. Liv followed them, with more along with Fin. Raf sat beside you, helping you open them one by one. He also wrote what you got and who it was from. You soon realized you would be stocked up in clothes, diapers, and toys for a good while, hopefully. After the shower was over, Liv asked,

"You want us to start packing?"

"Yeah." you whispered, looking around.

"Packing for what?" William asked.

"I'm moving."

"Why? Where to?"

"I can't stay here, without Mike." You whispered.

"Where are you moving to?" your mother asked.

"My place, I have two spare rooms." Raf said.

"Y/N why on earth are you moving in with him?" Dodds angry voice shouted at you.

"Oh my Lord, You've gone straight from paralyzed with grief to moving on with another man! How could you y/n? And as for you, Barba, cozying up to a grieving widow is despicable."

"How dare you speak to y/n like that. You have no say in what she does now, and for your information, where your dirty mind went is not what's happening." Raf said standing between you and Dodds.

"Okay then, what is going on?" Dodds said sarcastically.

You started to tear up but stood and moved to look Dodds in the eyes.

"I am moving in with Raf because he is my oldest friend. He makes me feel safe and doesn't expect me to feel or act in a certain way. He lets me grieve how I need to and only offers comfort and support when I need it. I know you're all trying to help but I need to cope with it my way." By the end you were full on crying.

Dodds looked sheepish and said quietly,

"I apologize, to both of you for that outburst, I was just shocked you weren't going to stay with your parents...or me."

"I still need my independence. Going back to my parents or in-laws wouldn't give me that. So are you going to be okay with this?" y/n asked.

"Yeah, I only want what's best for you and if at the moment what you need is Raf's support, then that's what you should have. I'm so sorry, I never meant to make you cry."

You gave him a big hug then said,

"Okay then, lets get on with this."

Everyone started packing, you and Raf took your bedroom and bath, the squad got the few things in the baby's room Mike had brought so far. Mike's and your parents, and Lucia got the living room/kitchen areas. You went through the stuff in the kitchen, leaving most of it. Raf and you did two more look overs of the bedroom, bath, and closets.

"What are you wanting to do with his clothes?" Raf asked.

"I don't know, leave them for now, I'll come back later and get the rest of my stuff, I need to get out of here." You whispered, barely holding yourself together.

Raf took your hand.

"Too many memories at once?" Raf asked knowing.

"Yeah."

"I understand, I felt the same way when Mami and I went through abuela's things."

An hour later, everyone was done, everything was on it's way to Raf's condo. You and Raf took one last look around. While Raf took one last look in your room, you went in the baby's room. You turned toward your room when you heard a thunk.

"What is it?" You asked as you came into your room.

"Uh, look for yourself."

"What is it Rafa?"

"How did… uh he propose?" Raf was looking at something.

"Dinner, took me to the park, it had been after a snow storm, very romantic, why?"

Raf got up, handing you the picture. You took it, tears coming to your eyes. Mike was on one knee, the ring box in one hand, your hand in the other. Raf wrapped an arm around you, kissing your temple.

"You ready? No rush."

You nodded, grabbing his hand. On the way over to his place you were quiet, the squad, your parents, and Mike's were already there setting everything up.

"I went out yesterday, and had mami stock my fridge with all your favorite foods that you love." Raf whispered, squeezing your hand.

"You're the best Rafa, I hope you know that." You whispered, as he pulled up to his place.

"Keep reminding me." Raf whispered, getting out.

**An hour Later**

The new nursery was all decorated, your bedroom was done. Raf had surprised you with a new bedroom suit complete with a chest, bed, and dresser. Yours and Mike's parents had done the baby's room in a Fox theme to your surprise, following Mike's wishes, you loved it. Before long, everyone started to leave,

"Text me as soon as she goes into labor." Debbie told Raf.

"All of us." Ingrid said.

"Of course, I have a group message set up including all grandparents, and the squad." Raf ensured them.

"What about your mom?" you asked.

"You want me to add her, too?" Raf asked, a little shocked.

"Yes, unless you don't want to." you said.

Raf fixed the group message, adding Lucia to it.

"Done."

Everyone left, leaving you and Raf alone. You went to bed, Raf staying up looking everything over. Raf was going to bed, he passed your doorway looking in on you. You were crying, quietly, Raf could tell by your shaking shoulders. Raf walked over and moved to climb in behind you, hesitated but continued, wrapping his arms around you.

"Shh, I'm here. I got you." he whispered in your ear.

You turned, looking up at him. He saw something cross over your face, the next thing he knew your lips were on his, he moaned, kissing you back, before pulling away. You realized what you had done,

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It's been a very emotional day." Raf whispered, moving your hair out of your face.

You nodded, turning over, closing your eyes, before Raf knew it you appeared asleep. Raf closed his eyes, a few minutes later, you whispered,

"Thank you for everything, love you."


	5. Chapter 5

Raf laid there for hours, repeating what you had said in his head. He prayed, asking God and Mike what he should do about his feelings for you, then asked to help him do right by you and the baby. Raf fell asleep, having a dream about Mike and him reassuring Raf he didn't fuck this up by telling you he loved you. You had also laid awake after you said goodnight, waiting, praying Raf would cuddle up to you, and reassure you that you didn't make a huge mistake. By 3AM, Raf woke up, and wrapped his arms around you holding you close to him, whispering

"Love you too." He fell back asleep.

**The next Morning- June 16,2016**

You had turned during the night, putting your head under his chin. Raf pulled the cover over the both of you.

"Morning."

"Morning to you too."

You both looked at each other, Raf leaned in and kissed your forehead then sat up.

You could tell something was bothering him.

"Rafa, what's wrong?" You asked, looking up at him.

"Not that I didn't love it, but why did you kiss me last night?" He asked, looking down at you.

You sighed, sitting up, feeling a little pain.

"I don't know, I guess I needed something to remind me I have someone in my corner."

"And the I love you?"

You looked at him and then down at the bed sheets.

"Isn't it obvious that I love you? I've had a crush on you since Harvard, then you went to Brooklyn, I went home then eventually Manhattan and I met Mike first then ran into you later that day and since everything happened, I still love Mike but my feelings for you have changed I love you, Rafa."

Raf looked at you.

"Well...if I'm honest my feelings for you have changed as well. I love you too... I just feel a bit uncomfortable with the whole situation. I mean Mike was a friend and it feels like I'm...I don't know...like I'm 'hitting on his girl' so to speak. It all just feels a bit weird somehow. You've only just moved in, we might hate living together. Maybe we should see how things go and get used to the situation and the baby before we make life altering decisions."

You nodded.

"Sounds like a plan. As long as cuddling is allowed."

Raf grinned,

"We can play it by ear and see what happens. Of course cuddling is allowed." He kissed you.

You smiled.

You both got up, you walked into the baby's room to see what Raf might have done to it after you went to bed. Raf went to the kitchen, starting breakfast. You smiled at how the room turned out, you headed to the kitchen. As you walked down the hallway it happened, your water broke. You froze, looking down at your feet.

"Rafa!" You screamed.

"What!?" Raf yelled, coming down the hall, seeing the floor.

"Did your…?"

"Yes." You panicked.

Raf came up beside you,

"It's okay, your 38 weeks. I've read mothers who are under stress can go into labor early. I'm going to get the bag and shoes. Go get into clean clothes and sit on the couch."

You nodded, doing what he said. Raf ran to your room grabbing the bag and two pairs of shoes that where there in case. He came back to the living room with jackets and helped you get out the door, he got you into your car and to the hospital. Two nurses met you at the ER door, taking you in while Raf parked the car.

**10 Minutes Later**

You were getting worried about Raf, it had been 10 minutes and he hadn't come in yet.

"My friend, he brought me in, where is he?"

"I don't know ma'am, I'll go look for him." the nurse said.

You nodded, the nurse left the room, going to find Raf.

**Meanwhile...**

Raf was walking down the hall, parking the car had taken a while. He saw a nurse walking down.

"Excuse me, I'm looking for my friend."

The nurse smiled,

"Are you y/n Dodds friend?"

"Yes, where is she?"

"This way."

Dr. Jacobson had come in a little while after the nurse left to find Raf.

"Where is Rafael?"

"I don't know, I got a nurse to go find him, he brought me."

About that time, there was a knock on the door,

"Are you decent, can I come in?" Raf said.

Dr Jacobson opened the door.

"Rafa." you smiled.

Dr. Jacobson smiled at the way the two of you light up every time you see each other or when the other enters the room.

"I'll be back later to check you."

Soon you and Raf were alone, Raf sat beside you on the bed.

"I know we haven't discuss how you want to do this, do you want me, your mother, Amanda or Liv with you?"

"Just you." you whispered, holding your hand out.

Raf took ahold of your hand squeezing it. Raf's phone pinged like six times back to back.

"You texted them?"

"Yeah, why? They told me to."

"I was hoping you'd wait until after he was born. I didn't want a crowd of people around."

Raf looked at his phone, chuckled and then handed it to you. You looked at the screen and couldn't help but giggle. Every single text was the same.

On our way. How long between contractions?- Liv, Amanda, your parents, Mike's parents

Please don't come down yet, y/n doesn't want a crowd of people around.- Raf

I agree with Rafael.- Sonny

Okay text us after the baby is born.- William

**About 45 minutes later**

Dr. Jacobson walked in.

"How are you doing?" She asked as she looked over your progress.

"Okay."

"Okay, just try to relax, you will be here for a while, try to get some rest. I'll come to check on you every half hour."

"Thanks." Raf shook her hand.

She left the two of you alone.

"Raf hand me my bag."

Raf did, he helped you plug in your phone, and covered you up with Mike's blanket.

"Need anything else?"

"Hold me?"

"You sure they wouldn't say anything?"

"If they did, I don't care."

Raf did as he was told, wrapping one arm around you. You leaned your head against his shoulder.

"You wanna feel? He's moving around a lot." You whispered.

Raf nodded, you took his hand and moved it to where the baby was moving and kicking.

"I felt him moving around when you were holding me one night, I didn't know that was him at first. Doesn't that hurt?"

"A little, sometimes he gets a rib." You smiled.

You lay your head on his shoulder, he laced your left hand with his. You saw him looking at them,

"He picked out my engagement ring with my mom and his mom, we both picked out the other's bands." you whispered.

"You both have good taste." Raf looked at you.

I know it's not the time or place to ask, but uh do you ever you know…. I know I've been through a lot lately and we only just said I love you a couple of hours ago…." you look away.

"Look at me."

You looked at him.

"Like I said before, maybe we should see how things go and get used to the situation and the baby before we make life altering decisions. It's too soon right now…. For me and especially you… I love you….. How about we table this for now and in a few months, maybe a year. We will have this conversation more seriously, if it is still something you want." Raf whispered.

You nodded, looked away with tears in your eyes.

"Y/n, look at me please."

You did.

"I'm sorry."

"I shouldn't have brought it up, I'm still grieving for Mike, I shouldn't have mentioned it. I love you, too."

Raf kissed you, both of you falling asleep.


	6. Chapter 6

Raf woke up, getting up to stretch his legs. He walked around, going outside the room to walk around a bit. After a short walk, he came back closing the door as you woke. Raf sat beside you,

"How are you feeling?"

"Scare….. I know you read that stress could cause me to go into labor, but I'm not ready for this baby to be born."

"Everything is going to be okay." Raf kissed your head.

Dr. Jacobson came in along with a nurse, looking at your monitors.

"What's wrong?" You asked.

"Nothing, you've dilated to 10, your ready to go the delivery room."

"What does that mean?" you asked.

"It's time to meet your baby boy." Raf whispered.

"Don't text everyone." you shot at Raf.

Raf chuckled.

"I won't, I promise."

**10 minutes Later**

They had both of you in the delivery room. Raf was sitting behind you in shorts. After about nine pushes Dr. Jacobson said,

"The baby is crowning three or so pushes and your baby boy will be here."

Raf tried to get a look, but couldn't see anything. After four more pushes, Raf heard a baby screaming. You leaned back against him as he lay back against the bed. You smiled as Dr. Jacobson handed you your baby. Raf watched you with tears still coming down both of your faces, as you held your baby boy. Raf felt like an intruder, he wasn't supposed to be here with you like this. The nurse took the baby to check his vitals. You watched the nurse, checking Brayden over. Raf watched you; you kept your eyes on your baby boy.

"How do you feel?"

"Exhausted, but good." you whispered.

Raf got up, grabbing his phone, as the nurse brought the baby back over to you. He took pictures of the nurse handing him to you.

"Have you thought of a name?" Dr. Jacobson asked.

"Brayden Michael Dodds." you whispered.

Both Dr. Jacobson and the nurse left the three of you alone. You looked over at Raf, Raf texted everyone.

"Hey sweetheart, I'm your mami, this is your Uncle Rafi."

You thought Brayden was the most beautiful baby you'd ever seen. You just sat there staring at him and every so often counting his fingers and toes. He looked so much like Mike, with his eyes and mouth. Raf sat beside you, smiling. 45 minutes later his phone pinged, saying they were there. After a few minutes there was a knock, Raf opened the door,

"Come in."

Raf opened the door, smiling letting everyone come in. Your mother and Ingrid were behind Raf then William, your dad and the squad.

"He's beautiful y/n." Liv whispered.

"What's his name?" Sonny asked.

"Brayden Michael Dodds." You smiled, looking at Mike's parents.

William and Ingrid teared up.

"He wanted to name his younger brother Brayden, but we didn't like it, we wanted Matthew." Ingrid whispered.

Everyone but Raf held Brayden, they all eventually left. Amanda and Liv to their kids, Sonny with Amanda, Fin to his son, Mike's and your parents went home. Raf sat beside you, smiling.

"You want to hold him?"

"I've never held a baby, like a newborn, I've held Noah but he was older, and I held him like a bomb according to Liv."

You helped him move his arms around Brayden's body so he was holding him.

"Now what?"

"Just keep his head and neck supported." Raf did sitting beside you on the bed. You leaned over against him, turning your head against his neck. Raf kissed your forehead,

"I'm going to lay him down, get some sleep."

"If you lay with me."

"You know I will." Raf whispered, as he laid Brayden in his crib.

**After a while**

Raf jumped a little when he heard the door opened, Dr. Jacobson checking in.

"How's mother and son?"

"Okay, as far as I know, she and Brayden fell asleep a while ago. When can she and the baby go home. She's staying with me so she won't be on her own."

"We just need to check a few things out and if they are both fine tomorrow morning they can go home. Do you have experience with babies?"

"No, I know nothing about looking after them. But we have friends who have young children and I hope to help her, even if it's only preventing panicking and meltdowns."

"Those are good things to avoid. I will most likely see you both later tonight. Y/n and Brayden are lucky to have you in their lives. " With that the doctor left.

After she left, Brayden woke up crying. Raf quickly got up, unfortunately you woke too. Raf picked him up,

"Feel his diaper, it probably needs changing."

"How?" Raf looked at you lost.

You smiled, and started to go through how to change a diaper. He had missed all the classes you took. You walked him through it. Brayden smiling up at him the whole time.

"Now put the clean one under his butt, the picture in front, and fasten it. Can you put two fingers in between the diaper and his waist?" Raf checked, smiling to himself.

"Yes."

"Good job." you smiled as he smiled at you.

Raf picked him up, holding him, he walked to you, he sat beside you.

"You want to hold him?"

"You know I do." You smiled, as Raf handed him to you.

The rest of the day and into the night were spent like this, holding Brayden and sleeping on and off with Raf beside you. Dr. Jacobson released you and Brayden the next morning. After getting home, Raf was putting up diapers and other things the hospital had given you. He'd also done a load of clothes, you were on the couch holding Brayden, when Raf sat beside you.

"Let me have him, you have a hot bubble bath, waiting on you."

You handed Brayden to him, and kissed him on the cheek.

"Thank you." you whispered.

"You're welcome."

"When do you have to go back to work?" you asked.

"Three months, Dodds and McCoy told me to take leave."

"Why?"

"Because Dodds wants someone around helping you, and I don't blame him, he said Mike was going to."

You smiled, headed back to the bathroom. You peeled off your clothes and threw them in with the dirty clothes, sinking into the bathtub. You washed off, washed your hair, getting out before the water got cold. You quickly dried off, then put on pj's that Raf had laid out for you. You walked to the nursery quietly watching Raf lay Brayden down. You smiled at him, when he turned around. You took his hand walking to his bedroom.

"You sure you don't want to sleep in your room?"

You looked up at him, "I'm sure, I just need to be held. Everything is a bit overwhelming...I have a baby!..Raf, I have a baby to look after!"

Raf saw that you were getting worked up so he hugged you,

"It's okay, no need to panic. Everything will be fine."

He felt you relax a little,

"Come on, it's bedtime."

You and Rafael got into bed and cuddled up. You both lay there smiling at each other when both of you yawned. All of a sudden you both realized how tired you were. As you were dropping off to sleep Brayden started crying with enough volume and projection that it wouldn't be surprising if he became an opera singer in the future. You started to get up but Raf wouldn't let you,

"You're the one who did all the hard work yesterday, I'll get him, you need your rest...so you can get him next time." He grinned as he dodged the swat you aimed at him.

"We're going to have to get a schedule or something aren't we. This is just the beginning, isn't it."

"We will, don't worry, I knew what I was getting into. Now what did I say, go to sleep."

You fell asleep listening to Raf talking and humming to Brayden to get him back to sleep. Thinking to yourself how glad you were that Raf was there for you.


	7. Chapter 7

**June**

The rest of the month after Brayden was born was a blur. Brayden was up several times throughout the night to eat. When he would nap is when y/n would try to clean up the kitchen and prep dinner, laundry and do some unpacking. Once Raf was home he would take over looking after Brayden while you would sleep until Raf needed to go to sleep. Both of you couldn't wait until Brayden started sleeping mostly at night. Raf had come home from getting groceries, to find you and Brayden in the bedroom both asleep, you must had been nursing him when you both fell asleep. He was in his co sleeper. Raf smiled, coming over, moving the hair off your face and kissed your lips and Brayden's head before going back to finish putting up the groceries. About the time he finished putting the groceries up, he heard Brayden started crying and you hushing him. He walked into the bedroom, you were facing him, smiling and making funny faces. You look at him smiling and Raf smiled back, coming over to the other side of Brayden.

"You two have a good nap?"

"We did." you smiled.

Raf leant over to kiss you.

"Dinner should be ready in an hour, go back to sleep." He whispered.

You smiled, laying back down, going back to sleep.

**July**

You had just walked in the door, to the sound of coos and gurgles, you walked farther into the apartment seeing Raf and Brayden on the floor playing. Raf moving his legs and making funny faces at him. You smiled,

"I'm home."

Raf looked at you, and smiled. He picked up Brayden while getting up and greeted you.

"Hey mami." he whispered, handing you Brayden.

"Hey baby, hey papi, how are you today?" you whispered, kissing Brayden's head then Raf.

Raf grinned before saying,

"We've had a great time playing, haven't we mijo. Do you think mami wants to take over?"

Brayden giggled.

"Sounds like that was a yes. I'll check on dinner while the two of you have fun."

**Aug**

Raf came home, being quiet as he took off his shoes, sat his briefcase in his office because he didn't know if Brayden would be awake or not. He quietly walked into the living room which was fairly neat, along with the kitchen save for a few bowls. He walked down to Brayden's room, smiling when he heard your voice that quietly sounded like you were reading to him. He looked in, seeing you doing what he thought,

"I'm home." he whispered, coming to squat down beside you.

You looked over, smiling triedly. You looked down at Brayden who was looking up at Raf.

"Dada is home Brayden." you whispered, smiling.

Raf smiled, it had been your idea to start using dada and mama around Brayden to help with language development. Raf had been hesitant at first about it, that had slowly involved to the two of you talking about the status of you relationship. You both decided that Raf would be the father figure in Braydens' life. You would see where your relationship went but you wouldn't put your relationship above keeping Brayden loved and happy.

**September**

William knocked on your door, you opened it, smiling.

"Hey come in." you said, showing him.

"Where is my grandson?" he asked, looking around.

"He and Raf are in the living room, playing. Go join them, I'll be in the kitchen finishing dinner."

William walked into the living room, seeing Raf place Brayden on a mat, letting him reach for a red ball. William came closer sitting on the other side of the mat, opposite of Raf.

"What is he doing?" William asked.

"Stretching it helps strengthen his neck and back muscles. It's also fun, you want to play?" Raf said.

You came back to find both men and a baby all in the floor, on their stomachs.

"What are you three doing?"

"Mama!" Brayden yelled.

You picked him up, tickling his stomach.

"You want to stay for dinner?" you asked William.

"If you don't mind." he looked over at Raf.

"You're welcome over, anytime." Raf said, walking over taking Brayden from you.

As Brayden settled in his arms brayden giggled and said,

"Dada."

William was quickly up off the floor and then grabbed Brayden out of Raf's arms. Causing the baby to start crying.

"How dare you. My son is his father. You have no right to let him call you that. I thought you said that you would keep Mike in his life and make sure Brayden knew who is real father was." William shouted over Brayden.

"Of course we will do all that. At the moment Brayden isn't old enough to understand any of that. What do you expect him to call me, Uncle." Raf said trying to keep his voice down.

William shouted,

"This has been your plan all along. You've never been Mike's friend, have you. You just wanted y/n and now you're taking his whole family!"

Brayden started wriggling away from the noise and calling,

"Dada, Dada."

"He isn't even your son!" William yelled, as Brayden cried reaching for Raf.

You saw expressions of guilt and anger flit across Raf's face followed by a look that was a mixture of sadness and fed up. You also saw that his eyes were glossy and you realized that Raf was trying not to cry.

You walked over to William, taking ahold of Brayden, when you tried to pull him against you, William wouldn't let go.

"Let go." you said, giving him a death glare.

He finally let go of Brayden, you handed him to Raf.

"Go in our bedroom, I'll be there in a few."

"Y/n…"

"Raf go, please." you looked at him, giving him a smile.

Raf looked at William as he nodded and went to your room. Brayden was cuddled up to his neck, Raf kissed his head before closing the door. You turned around, pointed to the door,

"Get the hell out and you will not be getting any more visits, I'll get Trevor Langan to make sure you don't." you said.

"I… I.."

"Get out, I will call 911 and report you for trespassing."

William reluctantly left, you then going over and making sure the door was locked. You turned, letting out a breath, going to your room. You opened the door, seeing Raf looking at Brayden lying in his arms. Raf kissed you, long and hard. He broke the kiss, looking down. You gently pushed him back until he was laying on his back. You moved Brayden so he was laying on left side Raf's chest then you lay down on his right side so you could put your arms around them both.

"I love you two, too." Raf whispered.

"I told William that he won't be seeing anymore of Brayden. So you won't have to deal with any of his stupid attitude any more. Look at me Raf, you are Braydens father figure, because Mike can't be here. You've got to know that Mike would be pleased that his son had you instead of his."

Raf hugged and kissed you, not saying anything.


	8. Chapter 8

It was the first of December, Brayden was 6½ months old, you and Raf were officially together, everyone had suspected it. Your mom, Sonny, and Liv figured it out first that the two of you were together. Raf and you sat down with William and Ingrid telling them that two of you would let Brayden know who his real dad was, once he was old enough to understand. William apologized to you and Raf for the things he said. You and Raf told them the two of you would always talk about him and have pictures of Mike and also explain that just because you had 'moved on' didn't mean you were forgetting everything you and Mike had together. One day Raf was coming from work, you called him,

"Carino, I'm in the elev.."

"Hurry, something's….." you stopped as a sob came from your throat.

"What's wrong? Are you and Brayden alright?"

"Brayden's he's… ambulance is on their way."

"What's wrong with him, you're scaring me."

"He started wheezing and turned blue, he's fighting to breathe." you sobbed.

Raf got off the elevator, running to the door of the apartment. He opened it, just to hear the elevator open again. He saw two paramedics.

"Baby boy having trouble breathing in here." He said.

The two paramedics ran over, going straight in. Raf close behind them.

"y/n Paramedics are here!" Raf yelled.

"In here!"

Raf checked his pocket as he took off his coat, hanging it up. He went to the bedroom pulling you close to him, so the EMT could work on Brayden.

"Ma'am how long has he been like this?" one paramedic asked, as they intubated him.

"Uh, I don't know I thought he was asleep. I checked on him a minute ago, he was fine."

"I'm in, let's get him on the ambo."

They loaded Brayden on the ambo, you and Rafa rode in the back with him. Both watching as they worked on him. You couldn't stand watching them, and tucked your face into Raf's neck. By the time the three of you got to the hospital, Brayden was breathing with the help of oxygen. They took him back, 10 minutes later Dr. Jacobson walked out to meet them.

"What's wrong with Brayden?" You asked.

"He appears to have had an asthma attack. But as tests for asthma are not reliable before the age of 5 we will have to rule out that it isn't anything else."

"Is he going to be okay?" Raf asked, holding your hand.

"Yes he is, we gave him some meds to help him. I would like to keep him for a day or two, to see if it happens again. You two are welcome to stay in his room, it has a bed."

Dr. Jacobson took you both back, showing you his room. After checking Brayden she left the three of you alone. Brayden was hooked up to tubes and wires. You leant into Raf whilst an hour passed, Brayden slowly improved more. You and Raf laid in the extra bed, you shifted against him. As you did you felt something in the pocket of his jacket and realized it was a box. You reached into his pocket, as you touched it Raf's hand stopped yours.

"What is it?" you asked, as you took it out.

Raf leaned up, you turned toward him. Raf took it out of your hand, opening it.

"Rafa…." You breathed out as you saw the ring.

"I know it's only been 6 ½ months since Mike passed. I was going to wait a little longer but I forgot to put it up away when I got home, what with everything that happened with Brayden. We can wait if you want, but this ring is yours whenever your ready."

"Have you talked to my parents?" You asked out of curiosity.

"Yes, they gave me their blessing. I asked Mike's parents two days ago, I was going to ask tonight but…" Raf motioned to Brayden.

"Brayden ended up in the hospital and I found the ring."

"I was going to take you and Brayden away for Christmas and propose." Raf looked down at his hands looking away from you. When you lifted his face back up by his chin you saw tears in his eyes.

"Raf, what's the matter?"

He sighed and said,

"I wanted to make my proposal...romantic...perfect for you. But...now you've found out and it won't be a surprise."

You smiled and kissed him.

"Ask and we can still go away for Christmas, if Brayden is okay just the three of us."

"Ask now?" Raf asked.

You smiled and nodded, taking off Mike's band and engagement ring. Raf looked at you unsure, you smiled motioning for him to go on.

"Y/n will you make me the luckiest man in the world and marry me?"

"I would love to." you whispered.

Raf slid the ring onto your finger, you kissed him. Raf smiled, reaching into his other pocket, you looked at him.

"What's that for?" you asked as you saw what it was.

Raf didn't say anything, just took Mike's engagement and wedding ring sliding it on the new chain. Taking off your necklace with Mike's band and adding it to the new necklace. He put the new necklace around your neck. You smiled as you ran your fingers over it.

"I love it." you kissed him.

"As much as I love you?" Raf asked.

"Maybe more." You took the old chain from Raf's hand reached into your jean pocket pulling out a dog tag putting it on the necklace then around Raf's neck.

"Guess I wasn't the only one with a surprise."

"I was going to wait until Christmas but…" you shrugged.

Raf looked at it.

"Brayden June 16, 2016."

"Do you like it?" you whispered.

"I love it, and you too." Raf kissed you.

"I left room on it, just in case down the road…" you trailed off.

Raf smiled.

"I want to adopt Brayden when we get married, if it's okay with you. He doesn't have to take my name if you don't want him to."

"We could let him decide when he's older." you smiled, laying against him tried.

"Let's get some sleep." Raf whispered.


	9. Chapter 9

The next day Brayden was cleared to go home. Raf invited your parents, Mike's parents, Lucia, and the squad for dinner. When Raf came out with Brayden, he was fussing a little.

"Is someone hungry?"

"Yes, we both are."

"There is a bottle of formula and a snack on the counter."

Raf sat Brayden in his highchair, Raf walked over to the counter, grabbing the bottle and his snack, turning around.

"Dada, Dada."

Raf smiled looking over at you to see your reaction. You smiled at him.

"When can we start working on his spanish?" Raf asked.

"I read the younger you start the better, you have spoken to him in spanish some. You could add more to it." you said, as you hugged him.

Raf helped him eat while you sat beside him.

"I need to get mami to help me." Raf said.

"The next time we go over there we can get her help." You said, turning to grab your snack off the bar.

Raf nodded, looking at Brayden,

"When can we call Trevor?" you asked.

"I already did. Are you sure you want me to adopt him?"

"You are going to be his stepfather when we get married, I already considered you his stepfather. You adopting Brayden will be better when it comes time for medical care, school, plus the important benefit is the love, security and sense of belonging that both you and Brayden will gain when he is older." You looked at him.

"I know but…." Raf trailed off.

You smiled, and kissed him.

"Mike?"

"Yes, he's missing this and everything that little boy will ever do in his life and I hate that for all three of you." Raf whispered.

"Yes that's all true…. But he has you and will not miss anything." You leaned against him, both of you watching Brayden eat.

"I'll start teaching him Spanish, so when he gets older, he can call me papi. What do you think?" Raf whispered.

"That sounds perfect."

Raf finished getting everything for dinner by getting out glasses and wine when the doorbell rang. You opened the door and the squad, William, Ingrid, your parents, Lucia, Noah, and Jesse all came in. After everybody was seated for dinner. Raf got everyone's attention.

"Y/n and I have an announcement."

Everybody looked at Raf and you.

"Raf asked me to marry him and I said yes." you said excitedly, holding up your hand to show off your ring.

Everyone cheered and congratulated you two. Your mom, Lucia, and Ingrid moved off to the side. Raf was getting more scotch when Liv asked,

"Are you going to adopt Brayden?"

Raf looked over to her.

"Yes, I'm going to start the paperwork, I'm going to call Trevor after New Years and start the process."

After dinner everyone talked and the kids were playing. Raf put Brayden down for the night, your dad and William came to sit beside you and Raf.

"When's the wedding?" your dad asked.

"We haven't discussed it." Raf asked.

"I would like a summer wedding." You said.

"Next year? That's not long to plan." William said.

"I want a small wedding, just the people in this room."

Debbie and Ingrid were talking to Liv and Sonny. You lay your head against Raf. As you did so you started unbuttoning and buttoning the nearest cuff of Raf's shirt. Raf had discovered that you only did this if you were stressed or over tired, or both. He looked down worriedly at you.

"You okay?" Raf whispered.

"I'm just still stressed from Brayden being in the hospital, plus being a new mother I don't feel like I'm doing enough."

Raf rubbed your back.

"Can I do anything to make things easier?" Raf asked, while he ran his fingers up and down your arms.

"You are doing everything and more, you help with Brayden, make sure I take care of myself. You manage to do all that without making me feel like I'm unable to manage, even when I can't.

You looked at him with all the love in the world.

"I love you and your son." Raf whispered.

About that time, Brayden started crying.

"I've got him." Raf whispered, he kissed your temple then went to check on him.

Your dad came over and sat beside him.

"How are you honey?"

"Better now that Brayden is home." you smiled.

"How are they?"

"Brayden's good we are keeping a close eye on him, Raf is amazing."

"He makes you happy?"

"Both of us, Brayden loves him, Rafa can't go anywhere without Brayden right behind him."

"I'm glad you have someone in your corner."

Raf came back, Brayden in his arms.

"Mama! Mama!"

You smiled and took him from Raf sitting him in your lap, while Raf sat on the other side of you.

"Me to." you whispered, smiling at your dad.

"Good luck you two, Raf look out for them for me."

"I will." Raf smiled, shaking your dad's hand.


	10. Chapter 10

**Feb 2017**

Brayden was doing great with no more hospital visits. You and Rafael had the wedding mostly planned you were getting married in June. Raf had two trips planned the honeymoon and one around the anniversary of Mike's death to get away just him, you, and Brayden. You and he had picked out a dress and tux, Raf had asked Sonny and your dad to be his groomsmen and Eddie to be his best man, your younger sister Emily was your maid of honor, Amanda and Olivia were your bridesmaids. Brayden, with the help of Noah, was going to be the ring bearer and Jesse was the flower girl. You were in the bathroom, staring at a sonogram, you couldn't believe it, you had been to the doctor, you'd had a regular doctor appointment and the doctor said your HcG was high, one sonogram later and you had a sonogram picture of yours and Raf's baby. You were 7 weeks, and your mind went straight to that night after the Christmas party last December.

**Flashback**

You both had been teasing one another all night, he had been teasing you since he woke up that morning. You had been up getting stuff ready for the get together. Raf had managed to get you away from the kitchen into the bedroom. Once in there, Raf had closed the door, then turned toward you and kissed you. You were taken by surprise and it took a minute to respond back. Raf was nipping and tugging your bottom lip gently. Raf pushed his tongue into your mouth as you pushed him back against the bed, hands moving to the bottom of his shirt, pushing it up and over his head. His hands went to the hem of your shirt, fingers searching for skin. Before you knew it, you both were in bed, naked. He kissed your neck, leaving little red marks as he went. Slowly he made a path down your writhing body stopping to look up at you and moving on down, stopping between your legs. Your breathing was already labored when you opened your eyes to see his beautiful green ones looking straight at you.

"Are you sure?"

You lay your head back on the pillow, and between deep breaths, and your deeply carnal thoughts, opened your eyes again, looked straight at him, and said,

"Yes, Rafa. I want you. Please. Please touch me…"

The next second you felt was his breath over your most sensitive parts, and then his tongue, over you center, you thought you had died and gone to heaven.

"Rafa… Rafael! Please, I want to feel you inside me. Please!" your breaths were coming closer together now.

"I know y/n. Shh. It's okay. I want to make you come first here, now…like this…and then again with me inside you…together..." Raf whispered, and kissed you.

You found yourself putting your hands in that thick hair of his, grabbing and tugging at it. Pushing his head into you. And with that, Rafael went back to working his magic with his tongue, and before he even had the chance to put his lovely, long fingers inside you, you felt the familiar wave of tension in your stomach.

"Oh, God…..I'm…oh…fuck!...Rafael!" And you came as Rafael kept at you with his tongue, his mouth, his lips…not stopping until your body stopped shaking.

You jumped putting the test in your shirt when Raf walked into the bedroom with 8 month old Brayden.

"We are going to have to start baby proofing the house now, I caught this guy pulling stuff down and sticking his finger in an outlet." Raf said sitting Brayden on the bed.

"You getting into stuff already?" you smiled, as you came out of the bathroom.

"Mami." Raf handed him to you, he cuddled up to you.

Raf smiled watching the two of you. You smiled, the conversation about kids hadn't come up, but it was only a matter a time you thought. You didn't know when was the best time to tell Raf, Mike had found the test before you had told him. As the next two hours passed Brayden fell asleep, and the two of you looked at new apartments.

"Three bedrooms, two bath?" Raf asked.

"Why three bedrooms?" you smirked.

Raf looked at you, pulling you closer.

"I thought since we had a mini Dodds running around, we could also have a mini Barba too." Raf said, looking at you as he reached out and stroked your hair.

"I would love a mini you running around." you smiled, leaning in so your noses were touching.

"When can we start trying?" Raf asked.

"We don't even have to try, job is already done." you smiled, handing him the songram.

Raf's face was shocked, looking at the songram, and you.

"When did you.. When did we..."

"Today, I had a regular doctor appointment, HCG levels were high. I didn't know I was, I've not had any morning sickness so far. It was after the Christmas we had with the squad."

Raf looked at your stomach then at Brayden.

"We're having another one?"

"Yes. I always thought you were handsome and virile, now you've proved it."

Raf laughed, then stopped.

"What?"

"Do you want to be married before he or she comes?"

You thought about it.

"Yes, my parents weren't and I wanted to get married and then have a child when Mike and I got more serious."

"So did you decide on a wedding date? That, catering, and a venue we haven't decided on."

The next hour was spent deciding on a date, catering and place. You also looked at wedding invites.

"We need to get Sonny to take pictures so we can include them in the invites." you said.

"And once you start showing." Raf chimed in.

"How about our honeymoon?"

"I told you let me worry about the honeymoon and the trip in May." Raf pulled you into a long kiss.

"Okay. What kind of rings?"

"Black for me, can we get something written on the inside?"

"Yeah, if we find a company that will do it. What do you want?"

"'Our love goes on and on' on one and 'our love has no end' on the other."

"Perfect."

After finding a company and customizing them you ordered them, with the engravings. You both sat there, Raf had sat beside you, wrapping his arms around you. Brayden was already out and in his crib. The both of you, finally laying down and went to sleep. The next month went by, Raf had gone back to work, you had moved up the wedding and were getting married in two weeks. You quit your job, wanting to be a stay at home mom, until both Brayden and the new baby were in school. You and Brayden were taking a much needed nap, neither you nor him had slept good, Raf being at work on a big high profile case. The phone rang, waking you both up, the id calling saying Rafa.

"Hey Rafa…"

"Y/n it's Liv, Sonny's on his way to pick you and Brayden up."

"What happened? Where's Rafa?" You asked, confused.

"Don't panic but he's in surgery at Mercy, gunshot wound to the shoulder. It isn't serious, don't worry."

You didn't hear anything after gunshot wound. The next thing you knew was Sonny was beside you.

"Y/n, let's go."

You looked at Sonny.

"This isn't going to happen again is it? Brayden and he/she isn't going to lose their papi."

Sonny looked at you with wide eyes.

"Yes, I'm pregnant about two months along ."

You, Sonny and Brayden were on your way to the hospital.

"We were waiting until next week to tell you so you could take pictures for the announcement."

"I'll be glad to." Sonny grabbed your hand, squeezing it.

After getting to the hospital, you were met with Liv and William.

"He's just got out of surgery, he's fine the nurse should be out in a minute." Liv said.

"That's what they said about Mike." you sobbed.

"Hey shh… it went through and through, he's going to be okay." William said.

"Y/n Dodds?"

"That's me."

"Rafael is asking for you and your sons?"

William looked at you at 'sons'.

"We found out we are having a baby, we don't know the gender yet and were going to tell everyone this weekend at dinner at our place." you smiled.

"Congratulations, go see Rafael." William smiled.

You took Brayden and followed the nurse, the nurse opened Raf's door, the two of you meeting eye to eye. You quickly crossed the room and collapsed against him.

"Hey I'm alright." he whispered, kissing your head.

"I thought...I thought…."

"Shh, you thought wrong, I'm never leaving mi familia."

You looked at him, then collapsed into tears against his side.

"Shh...Shh... I'm alright." He whispered, moving his hand to your stomach.

You looked at him, putting your hand on top of his and kissed him hard. Brayden had his hands wrapping around his papi's neck. After he broke the kiss, Raf looked at the nurse nodding his thanks.

"I'm alright, the doctor said I should be out of here by tomorrow."

"Rafa….. I thought." your breathing sped up and you started to feel faint.

"Hey please calm down, it's not good for you and baby." he whispered, rubbing your back.

About that time, the door opened again, Lucia barging through it.

"Mijo, mijo." Lucia sobbed as she came to the other side of his bed.

"I'm fine.. I'm fine…"

"You were shot and had surgery." Lucia protested.

"The bullet went clean through, nothing major was injured, I'll just need a few weeks of PT." Raf smiled.

You and Lucia looked at each other. The doctor came in shortly after, saying Raf could go home, and giving you instructions on how to clean his shoulder and some good PT for shoulders. After the doctor left, you helped Raf change into some scrubs one of the nurses let you have. An hour later the whole family and Lucia walked into the apartment. Raf sat on the couch, Brayden on his good side, having been glued to him since you arrived at the hospital. He was now laying on his chest, you walked over with some oatmeal. Raf sat him up, and you fed him.

"How's the shoulder?" You asked.

"Sore but okay."

You looked at him, you could tell the day events had him shook up, you were too. You walked down the hallway, stopping right outside your and Raf's room. You jumped when you felt a hand on your shoulder. You turned to see it was Raf.

"I'm going to put Brayden down and join you in the tub."

You nodded, kissed him long and hard. After getting the bath ready you sank into it, closing your eyes until you heard the door open, you turned to watch Raf undress and get in behind you. Both of you enjoying the silence and closeness as you lay together in the bath.

"I was thinking, do you want to find out if it's a boy or girl?" Raf whispered, as he kissed your neck, his hands rubbing your stomach.

"Yes, I liked knowing with Brayden. We also need a bigger place to live." you whispered.

"We could start looking tomorrow, did you know you were showing?" Raf asked, placing your hands where you could feel.

"No, but now you pointed it out to me I can feel a tiny bump." you whispered, smiling at him.

You both got out, Raf drying you both.


	11. Chapter 11

The rest of the afternoon went by quickly. Mike's parents took Brayden home with them as everybody left. You and Raf went to your honeymoon suite. As the elevator took you both up Raf pulled you to him and held you close. After the elevator door opened you both stayed close to each other even as Raf opened the door. Once you both were in the room, you closed the door. You turned toward him and kissed him. Raf was taken by surprise and it took him a minute to respond back. Raf started kissing you, nipping and tugging your bottom lip gently. Raf pushed his tongue into her mouth as you pushed him back against the bed, hands moving to the top of his shirt, popping each button. His hands went to the hem of your shirt, fingers searching for skin. Before they knew it, they both were in her bed, naked. He kissed your neck, leaving little red marks as he went. Slowly he made a path down your writhing body stopping to look up at you and moving on down, stopping between your legs. Your breathing was already labored when you opened your eyes to see his beautiful green ones looking straight at you.

He grinned wickedly up at you before kissing your center.

You lay your head back on the pillow, and between deep breaths, you opened your eyes again as you felt his breath over your most sensitive parts, and then his tongue, over your center, you lost yourself in the sensations as he used only his tongue and lips on you.

"Rafa… Rafael! Please, I want to feel you inside me. Please!" your breaths were coming closer together now.

You found yourself putting your hands in that most glorious hair of his, grabbing and tugging at it. Pushing his head into you. And with that, Rafael went back to working his magic with his tongue, and before he even had the chance to put his lovely, long fingers inside you, you felt the familiar wave of tension in your stomach.

"Oh, God…..I'm…oh…fuck!...Rafael!" And you came as Rafael kept at you with his tongue, his mouth, his lips…not stopping until your body stopped shaking.

Then he quickly climbed back up your body; caressing, and gently nipping as he went until he hungrily found your lips. Kissing you deeply as you scratched at his back.

"You're beautiful." Rafa perched himself above you, raised on his strong arms.

Panting, holding onto his shoulders, in a husky voice, you said,

"You are too, I need you, Rafa."

Raf then gently moved your legs apart, settling between them, looking at you as he slowly pushed himself in. You moaned at the feeling of him filling you up. After you adjusted to him, he started to move, setting a slow pace. You wrapped your legs around his waist drawing him further into you…Nothing ever felt like this.

"Rafa…This feels so good…you feel so good." You moaned.

Raf moved his left hand around between the two of them between your folds and you gasped. Looking down at you, his mouth against yours, his tongue frantically seeking entrance. Your tongue mingled passionately with him as you were just starting to feel that familiar feeling again. Grabbing his ass to push him deeper and deeper inside you, Rafael said,

"Y/n. Will you come for me, love? I want you so much, right now…Please…I'm getting closer Y/n…"

"Faster…Rafael…Please, baby! I'm almost right there. Oh God, just a little harder and deeper…"

Rafael brought your right leg up above his hip…and then even a little higher…

"Oh my God…right there…baby!" His thrusts never missed a beat, just got deeper and deeper as your breaths got shallower.

You suddenly felt like you were losing time and space. And then as you came undone beneath him, he didn't stop. He saw you the whole way through as you moaned through your release. Not long after that he was the one moaning through his release. Both of you were drenched in sex and sweat, laughing. If anybody had heard that bedroom, all they would have heard was panting, groaning, skin slapping skin and the smell of sex. Rafael was looking up at you, after you both had recovered, you had switched their positions and rode him. It hadn't taken long until he stopped thrusting up inside you, coming inside of you, spilling his seed. With sweat from you raining down on Rafael. Rafael let out a long guttural moan as you lifted off his cock, and collapsed on top of him, and laid between his legs and all of a sudden he started to laugh into the nape of your neck…a very low, sweet laugh;

"What are you laughing about?"

"I just made love to my best friend in the whole world, who is also my wife, the mother of my child and I love her, and she loves me."

"You want to do it again?"

"Yeah." Raf said as he flipped you.

"I love you."

"I love you, more." you whispered.

Raf groaned, as you felt his hands moving all over your body, then coming up to cup your tender breast rolling your nipple.

"That hurt?"

"A little, but feels good."

You moved your hand up in his hair, holding his head close to your neck. Raf immediately made his way back down your neck, kissing you, moving from your lips to your jawline. You slowly wrapped your legs around him, he immediately pushed in slowly. Entering you, he slowly moved in and out of you, you arched your back into him meeting his thrusts one by one. Two minutes later you came, Raf soon followed. Raf pulled out of you, falling onto his back beside you, pulling you close to him covering them both with a sheet. They laid there, Raf running his fingers through your hair, breathing in your scent.

"I love you."

"I love you, too...Tired, Mrs. Barba?" Raf asked.

"Yes, but also very, very happy." You smiled, as you kissed him.

He kissed you back, nipping and tugging at your bottom lip. You pushed your tongue into his mouth as your fingers ran through his chest hair. Once the need for air came you broke the kiss, Raf covering you both up.

The next morning, the two of you headed out of the city. You were curious to see where you were going. You started seeing signs for Niagara Falls, you looked over at Raf, smiling softly.

"How did you know?"

"I remembered when I started researching places to go, that Mike had planned on taking you there, before Brayden was born. Then everything happened, then I asked Sonny for help, and he reminded me of Niagara Falls and what it meant to you."

You lean over and kiss him. After getting settled into the hotel, you looked out the window and you could see Niagara Falls.

"So if it is our honeymoon what is our April trip?"

Raf wrapped his arms around your small pudge.

"Just to Florida for 2 weeks we leave on the 18th which is a Tuesday and will come home 26th, unless you want to stay longer." Raf said.

"I love it, and you." You whispered.

You and Raf walked over to the falls, when the two of you got there. You were blown away by how beautiful it was.

"It's so beautiful." You whispered.

"Almost more than you." Raf teased.

You looked at him, gently slapped his arm, he smiled wrapping his arms around your waist. After taking in the view and taking a few photos. Raf suggested going to Fort Erie, it was a fort built in 1764 by the British troops. You and Raf both loved history, while you took a lot of it when you were at Harvard. After lunch at one of the small cafes, Raf surprised you with a long walk in the countryside.

"What else do you have planned Mr. Barba?" You teased.

"Well Mrs. Barba, the rest of the trip is up to you what do you want to do?"

"Making good use of the hot tub and bed in our room?"

"Sounds good to me."

That evening you decided you wanted to stay in, using the oversized hot tub and room service instead of going to the hotel's fancy dining hall. Raf was frowning when you walked into the bedroom.

"What's wrong Rafa?"

"I got you a surprise gift that I was supposed to give you when we first got here, but I forgot about it."

"I can't imagine why, it is only our honeymoon." You chuckled, while wiggling your eyebrows.

"Do I get to have my gift now?"

Raf blushed.

"I did get a little distracted. Of course you can have your gift now. I'm just sorry I forgot about it, though not the reason why." He said chuckling.

You smiled, walked over to your bag getting out a present, then walked over to him and handed it over. At the same time you took your gift out of Raf's hand. You both sat side by side on the bed opening the gifts. Raf opened his present which was a briefcase, with Y/N & Raf est March 26, 2017 on the handle. You opened yours, bringing your hand up to your mouth as you looked at the picture. It was a picture of you holding Brayden in the park when he was barely two weeks old, with a faded Mike standing behind you looking over your shoulder at Brayden.

"How did you do…" You sobbed, leaning against him.

"Well I couldn't think of anything else and Sonny suggested either this or a necklace with Mike's picture. I knew you had the necklace with the rings and wanted something with Brayden and Mike so Sonny fixed it."

"It's beautiful." You smiled up at him.

Raf smiled, hugged you, and then kissed you.

"I hope I can live up to your expectations of a good husband and father."

"You are a wonderful father to Brayden and you will be to this baby too." You whispered, pulling him to lay down with you.

"What do you want to do tomorrow?" Raf asked.

"Spa time together, there is a cooking class at the Niagara Falls Culinary Institute, there are boat tours. What do you want to do?" You asked.

"All of it, if we have time."

You laid your head on his chest. Both of you were asleep in minutes.

The next day, was spent the morning in a cooking class. They went shopping at the shops, enjoyed the sights of the area. The evenings were spent attempting to show the other how much they loved each other. Though the two of you did spend a day mortified that the people in the next room had complained about the noise. Raf secretly thought it was a big ego boost. It was a shock to you both how quickly it got to the end of their honeymoon. Both of you had conflicted feelings as you and Raf didn't want it to end but also wanted to get back to Brayden.


End file.
